Face Off
by WarningSign
Summary: OneShot! Eric Bischoff has a Face Off planned. What on earth does that mean? HHH, Batista, Benoit, Kane. Summary sucks. please R&R.


FACE OFF

TXReaper

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything WWE, or any of the superstars, blah blah blah you know how it is**

**Characters: Triple H, Chris Benoit, Batista, and Kane**

**Summary: The four competitors from the Pick Your Poison matches are now involved in Eric Bischoff's Face off. What does he have in mind?**

"As was mentioned last week on RAW, tonight we're going to have a Face Off." Eric Bischoff stood proudly in the ring, clearly pleased with his scheme. "Unfortunately, last week it sounded like the Face Off would only involve Triple H and Batista. It actually involves those two men, and the opponents they faced in the Pick Your Poison matches the last two weeks. Would those four Superstars please come to the ring, now?"

Triple H's music hit first, but it had barely started when Bischoff interrupted. "Screw the music, just all of you get out here now!" Triple H paused partway down the ramp and looked hurt. After all, he enjoyed his music. Chris Benoit, Kane, and the man he had grown to despise, Batista, soon joined him. The four of them rolled into the ring. Triple H and Batista were looking daggers at each other.

"Now, Triple H," said Bischoff, "last week you seemed rather worried when you heard about this face off. Really, it's going to be quite painless." He motioned for one of the ringside staff to enter the ring. The man looked quite small compared to the four Superstars, especially Kane. "You see, all that happens is that you four get handcuffed together and—"

"Whoa, hold on a minute!" Triple H snatched the mike out of Bischoff's hand. "Handcuffed? What do you mean _handcuffed_?" He spoke the word as though it were poison.

"Well Triple H," said Kane as though he were talking to a small child, "these little metal bracelets go around your wrists, and they're stuck together with a chain." He smirked. He still hadn't quite forgiven the man for beating him and forcing him to remove his mask.

"I know what to be handcuffed means, asshole. He said we're handcuffed together." Kane had wrapped his hand around the Game's throat in a second.

"Kane. Kane, wait just a minute," pleaded the GM. "Let me finish explaining it before you kill him." The Big Red Machine reluctantly released Triple H. He fell back clutching his throat and gasping for air. "Now then, you four will be handcuffed together and all you have to do is find the key. One Superstar or Diva will have it with them at all times. It's simple."

"What makes you think we're going to agree to that?" Asked Benoit. He strongly resisted the urge to call Bischoff a hoser.

"Because if you don't, _you're fired!_ Do you all agree?" With much grumbling and groaning, they did. The staffer cuffed them so that they were all facing each other. "Any questions?"

"Just one," said Batista. "What happens if we don't find the key by the end of the night?"

"Actually, you have until Wrestlemania to find it. The person who has it will be on the show this week, as well as Wrestlemania. Anything else?" There were no other questions. "Good. Now then, your first challenge is to get out of the ring."

They cut to a commercial. It took most of the break to get out of the ring. As soon as they came back, they showed Bischoff in his office talking to Jonathan Coachman. They were both grinning like Cheshire cats.

"So boss, why did you decide to cuff those four guys together like that?"

"Well Coach, I figured it was time to lighten the mood around here a little, what with Wrestlemania being so close and all."

"Oh-ho, you are a sly one Eric!"

"Yeah, I know."

Elsewhere in the arena 

"Alright you guys, listen up!" Triple H was addressing the other three. "Since I'm the only one here with a championship title, that means I'm in charge, got it? So, Eric said that one of the Superstars or Divas has the key that unlocks these damn things, so I say we find that person, get these pieces of shit off ourselves and get on with our lives."

"Who do you think has the key?" Challenged Chris Benoit.

"I think it'll be someone who we wouldn't expect. Someone who maybe hasn't made a real huge name for themselves yet."

"One of the new Divas?" questioned Kane.

"Exactly. I'm thinking its Christy Hemme." With that, they all went to find the Diva Search winner. They were walking awkwardly, one person had to face backwards and two had to walk sideways. It was a very funny sight.

After the first match of the evening, the cameras cut back to the four of them walking along. Chris Benoit was the one who had to walk backwards. "Please tell me we're almost there," he said. "My legs are killing me."

"Grow up, you hoser." Snarled Batista, who was on Benoit's left. "How do you think we feel? We have to walk sideways, for crying out loud!"

"Knock it off you two," growled Triple H. He was on Benoit's right, directly across from Batista. "We're almost there."

They arrived at Christy's locker room. "Some one knock," said Batista

"How?" Asked Triple H. Chris Benoit and Kane looked at each other and grinned.

"Like this," said the Big Red Machine. He and Benoit pulled on the cuffs that were attaching them to Triple H and sent him stumbling into Batista. By instinct, the larger man shoved the Game away and into the door. He bounced off and slid to the ground. The door gave off a resounding bong. A few seconds later, Christy opened the door.

"What was that?" She asked.

"That was Triple H knocking," Responded Benoit. The Game struggled to his feet and shook his head.

"Yeah, what they said…Listen Christy, do you have the key to these damn handcuffs?"

"No, I don't. I'm really sorry."

"Okay, thanks," said Triple H, sounding dejected.

"All right, my turn to pick," Chris said. "I think it'll be someone who is famous, but doesn't get a lot of matches."

"Like who?" asked Batista.

"Like one of the announcers. Good old JR." At that they set off again.

In the ring, there was another match, followed by a commercial. During the break, the foursome managed to struggle out to the announcer's table. JR, being the nice guy that he was, held a mike up for Benoit to speak.

"JR, you have the key right?"

"Nope, can't say that I do."

"Grr…Okay, what about you King?" Jerry Lawler shook his head. He was too busy laughing at their predicament to say anything. "Well, there are other announcers, let's go find them." Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, they spoke with the Spanish announcers, as well as Todd Grisham, Lillian Garcia, and that other girl announcer, the one who Trish Stratus attacked.

**A/N: Don't know her name, sorry. ;)**

None of them had the key. It was then Batista's turn to guess.

"It'll definitely be someone close to Bischoff. Really, really close. Eric's personal bitch, you might say."

"The Coach."

"Right. Let's go." Benoit, Triple H and Batista all started to leave, but Kane didn't budge. He merely pulled on the cuffs connecting him to HHH and Batista and pulled them all back.

"Think for a second, could the Coach be considered a Superstar?" he asked.

"Good point," Said Batista. "Well, he said it could be a Diva too. The Coach is the biggest Diva on RAW."

"Yeah, there's that." While they were talking, the coach came up to them.

"Hey boys, how's the search going?" He mocked them as much as he dared.

"Coach! We were just going to come find you!"

"Where's the key, you little prick?" snarled Kane, grabbing Coach by the collar, consequently yanking Batista's and Triple H's arms up wards.

"Sorry, don't have it. Good luck though." He squirmed away from the man and walked off.

"Alright," said Kane. "It's my turn. I liked Batista's idea, but I think it's someone close to one of us, rather than Bischoff."

"Okay, let's see who's close to us," said Triple H. "Probably The Nature Boy for me…I can't think of anyone else. Benoit?"

"Maybe the other four guys in the Money in the Bank match. I don't really have a regular tag partner."

"Four guys? I thought there were six," said Triple H confused.

"There are," said Kane. "But I don't have the key, and neither does Benoit."

"Oh yeah. What about you, asshole?" he snarled at Batista.

"Can't think of anyone. Kane?"

"Well, the money in the bank guys…Snitsky," he spat. "And…Lita." Hey set off and spoke with each and every one of those people. Each and every one of them said they didn't have it. Except Snitsky, he was different.

"Even if I did have it, why would I give it to you?" he questioned, getting right in Kane's face.

"Do you have it or not?" growled the larger man.

"No. Have fun finding it." He walked off laughing.

"This is getting serious, we're running out of time." With that, RAW ended.

Wrestlemania, the next Sunday 

"Eric, please unlock these damn cuffs, now!" Triple H was about three seconds away from getting on his knees and begging the General Manager.

"I would, Hunter, but like I said, one of the Superstars has it."

"Well will you tell us who?" The Game dropped to his knees, pulling Benoit and Kane with him. "I'm serious, I haven't slept in five days."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm attached to three other guys and one of them snores!" He jerked his head at Benoit. "Really, really loud!"

"Alright, Triple H. Tell you what, the Superstar who had the key is in the next match. Go free yourself. Please."

"Thank you, thank you so much!" groveled the Game. The other three pulled him out of the office. "Who's in the next match?"

"Randy." Said Benoit grinning. They took off, nearly skipping because they were almost free.

**A/N Kane skipping. Just remember that the next time you need a laugh.**

"RANDY!" yelled Triple H. "Get these damn things off of us!" They struggled into the ring. "I'm sorry for every thing I said about you, please I'm begging you!"

"Triple H…I don't have the key."

"What do you mean you don't have it?"

"I don't have it, never did, never will. If I did, believe me I would unlock you guys."

"Because you respect me right?" said Triple H, proudly.

"No, because I feel really bad for Benoit Kane and Batista for being stuck with you for that long. I don't have it."

"TRIPLE H!" Bischoff had appeared on the Titan-Tron. "If you'll recall last Monday on RAW, I said that the person who had the key would be on the show that week. I never said which show." He grinned evilly. The lights went out and a bell tolled. When they came back on, The Undertaker was standing in the ring. A silver key hung on a chain from his neck.

"Undertaker…"Triple H was at a loss for words, for once. So, Kane spoke for him.

"Undertaker, you have the key to our freedom. _My_ freedom. There's no good it could possibly do you. Please give it to me." The Undertaker slowly raised a hand and touched the key about his neck. He pulled it off and held it out. Just as Kane was about to take it, he pulled it back.

"Brother, I'll make a deal with you. If I lose to Randy Orton, you may have this key."

"And if you win?"

"Then some lucky fan gets it."

Randy Orton's match against the Undertaker was short. The Legend Killer had seriously underestimated the Dead Man. He lost in seven minutes. At the end of the match, the Undertaker again removed the key from his neck. He held it up, asking the crowd who wanted it. He rolled out of the ring and slowly walked around it before stopping in front of young kid holding up a sign that read 13-0. He gave the key to him.

No sooner had the Dead Man retreated up the ramp than did Triple H approach the kid. "Kid, listen, I need that key, I have a match against Batista. We can't fight if we're stuck together." The kid shrugged indifferently. "Okay, what about these two?" He motioned to Benoit and Kane. "They're in that ladder match. How's that gonna work?" Again the kid just shrugged. Triple H sighed. "I can see where this is going. What do you want for it?" Now the kid grinned.

"I'll give you the key on one condition."

"What?"

"If you get me the autograph of my favorite wrestler."

"Who's that?"

The kid now smiled evilly. "_The Undertaker._"

Later that evening 

"How the hell are we gonna get his autograph?" asked Kane

"He's your brother, you ask him!" said Benoit.

"Yeah right, like I can just walk up to my brother and say 'Hey Dead Man, can I have your autograph?' Come on, I haven't done that in like five years!"

"Yeah you're rig—wait, what? You've asked him for his autograph before?"

"I was young and foolish." Just then, the Undertaker walked in. "Hey Dead Man," said Kane, "can I have your autograph?"

"No."

"Told you so." Kane said to Benoit. Benoit stuck his tongue out.

"What'll it take for you to give it to us?" asked Batista. The Undertaker thought for a moment. He really hadn't been prepared for this sort of thing.

"If…if John Cena…beats Bradshaw—legally—then I'll give it to you and you can give it to that kid." With that, he walked off.

John Cena vs. John "Bradshaw" Layfield for the WWE title 

The four men waited in the back, holding their breath during this match. It was a long and hard fought battle, but in the end Cena won. They celebrated more than he did. They immediately took off to find the Undertaker.

"Hey, have you seen the Undertaker?" HHH asked of one of the staffers.

"He already left." The hearts of the prisoners plummeted.

"What?"

"He left. He's not here anymore. Sorry." The staffer then left, leaving the four men standing there in disbelief. Triple H dropped to his knees. He looked like he was going to cry.

"Triple H!" Teddy Long called from behind them.

"Not now Teddy, I'm busy watching my life flash before my eyes."

"Okay playa. I jest wanted to let you know that the Undertaker told me to give this to you if John Cena beat Bradshaw legally." He held up a photo of the Dead Man with his signature scrawled on it. "But if you don't want it…"

"NO! WE WANT IT!" All four men shouted at the same time. They took the photo to the kid at ringside, who in turn gave them the key. Batista went on to beat Triple H for the title, and Kane ended up winning the Money in the Bank Match

**Moral of the story** Don't ever let Erich Bischoff get anywhere near you with handcuffs.


End file.
